Monday, April 17, 2006

**Dedicated to the confused souls out there**

Well, assuming that we have an average life span of 80 to 100 yrs old, being a 20yr old means i am at my quarter life, so are those of you who will drop by my blog from time to time. If you suffer from any of the symptoms i am going to describe below, it is not an coincidence. It might mean that u are going thru a quarter-life crisis. Well, from whay i leanrt in sch, if u cant identify a risk, u cant formulate a control to prevent, detect or cure it. The scenarios described below are taken from wikipedia and a website: http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

According to wikipedia, the characteristics of quarter-life crisis are:
Those in red are the symptoms are are more likely to strike us cos we are still studying...and there will be an elaboration of the characterisitics below, as i lift from the website by an unknown author:

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Well, by doing this little bit of research, i am not sayin that i am undergoing a quarter-life crisis but i am also not sayin i don't feel like some of the pains described above, just that i dun tink it that that serious. I have my own troubles too but i guess they are trivial now that i tink of them and sometimes, the more i tink the more i feel that we are making ourselves miserable when we can just laugh it off. However, i tink it is a process all of us have to go thru, some people jus have it easier (like me) while others struggle alot jus to get things back on track. Ultimately, it is a personal outlook to life and the experience of this crisis, i hope, will bring things into perspective for future life.

I am no expert because i am also growin up, with many thoughts in my brain that only i noe but once u are able to recognise that it is a crisis that you are going thru, it does help to take some private time tinkin abt it and now that it is summer time, why not just soak in the sun and enjoy every precious moments? Doing things that you like might reduce negative feelings, and some exercise helps too i tink...

yVONne | 3:38 PM

Sunday, April 16, 2006

**This is the beginning, it's not the end**

From my previous post, it is exactly 6 days but that day was my first paper and now i am done with exams...yay!!! At least for 1 week, before i embark on my tax planning mid term when everyone are in the midst of their play, i shall be dull and borin. Nvm, studyin tax is way better than studying for audit!!

Hmm, not feelin particularly excited about the end of exams, guess i am jaded alr, or have i mature? Or maybe i am tinkin of my mid term. But then again, i am not exactly very gan cheong abt it so also dunno why i am not feelin as excitied as i want to be or as compared to last yr. I wan that feelin back, i wanna feel extreme happiness, maybe i shld start psycho-in myself that summer time is here!!

*summer time, time of our lives*

yVONne | 12:06 AM

Monday, April 10, 2006

**make or break...**

Finally done with my audit cheatsheet, thanks to adrian for the very very well done cheatsheet. It definitely made my cheatsheet better, but i wonder who is the orginator of that "whaaaaa" cheatsheet. But then again, i tink mcq skills sucks, i tried 2 semesters of papers and i got 3 out of 10 correct for the first and 6 out of 10 for the 2nd. So dead. Just suck at guessing answers. Better luck later man!

Anw, jiahuan jus told me a semi-good news but i shall hold on to it first. It may not be that good a news after all. See how ba. Alrighty, time to go sleep. 12 hrs b4 my paper...High ah. 50% paper, only accountancy people get them, exclusively. For people who want to come over, is it more incentive?? Haa, join the muggers side!!

yVONne | 2:01 AM

Saturday, April 08, 2006

**Analytical Skills 101**

P1: There are only 3 possibilities, "offered", "not offered" and nothing.
P2: There are only 2 outcomes, accepted and rejected.
P3: One possibility can only have 1 outcome.
P4: Each outcome must be linked to at least 1 possibility.
P5: "Offered" means accepted.
P6: "Not offered" means gonna be accepted at later stage.
Conclusion: Nothing means rejected.

And i fall into the 3rd category. Quaere: Is it that hard to reject outright?

yVONne | 6:46 PM

Friday, April 07, 2006

**Nature's Law**

Tryin very hard to follow nature's law and do what i am supposed to this week but there is always a constant tot in my brain. It keeps my heart beating at 100km/hr (at least that's how fast i feel it is) when i tink of it and i take 5 mins to get back to normal. And EY is not helping by keeping me in suspense. The whole world noes of their application status except me. And btw, congrats to jiahui and jeremy to their comfirmation of internship at EY. I hope to join u guys there too!!

Eeeeks!! i am so worried, scared, irritated, apprehensive and everytime i check my status, i feel as if i am checking my grades. This feeling sucks and i want it to end, preferably immediately...i noe 3 got in alr, left 4 more vacancies. yeap 4 more.

Anw, back to my bizarre dreams. Yesterday i had the weirdiest of the weirdiest dreams. I dreamt there was a plane crashing into my old housing estate by terriorists. It was so real i could hear the explosion like next to me. Then i opened the door and saw the destruction, u noe, the kind u see on tv after 911? I guess it was the article on 911 i read a few days ago that triggered my dream. It is not funny if u are laughin at my dream now cos i was petrified by what i saw in my dream i went into hidin in the toilet. Then i rem the last scene b4 i woke up, there were these "terrorists" who got into my (old) flat but b4 they "found" me, i woke up. wonder if it is cos i was so scared i woke up or because it was alr 11am.

Strangely, it is the 2nd dream in this week i had with the settin as my old flat. Wonder what this means. I guess it is the same reason, i am too stressed and been cooped up at home for 90% of the week, maybe i got tired of my current flat. In my dream i wonder somewhere else...

well, am listenin to a song by embrace called nature's law. tink it is pretty nice so i jus include the lyrics here...

Nature's Law
I tried to fight the feeling, the feeling took me down,
I struggle and I lost the day you knocked me out,
Now everything’s got meaning and meanings bring me down,
I'm watching as the screening of my life plays out. 

Every day I fight these feelings,
For your sake I will hide the real thing,
You can run all your life; for mine, I will chase...

You should never fight your feelings, 
When your very bones believe them, 
You should never fight your feelings, 
But you have to follow nature's law. 

I'll live with never knowing, if knowing's gonna change,
I'll stop the feeling growing, I will stay away,
Like a broken record stuck before a song,
A million beginnings, none of them the one.

Every day I fight these feelings,
For your sake I will hide the real thing,
You can run all your life; for mine, I will chase...

You should never fight your feelings,
When your very bones believe them,
You should never fight your feelings,
But you have to follow nature's law.

I wrote her letters and tried to send them,
In a bottle I placed my hope,
And it's the last will of good intentions,
Seek your will, you'll give it to me,
Don't make me wait,
You build me up, now take down,
But I will stand my ground,
And I'm inspired when I'm found.

You should never fight your feelings,
When your very bones believe them,
If you let them show you'll keep them,
I know you're hurt but soon you'll rise again,
again, again, again, again, again, again, again..

You should never fight your feelings,
When your very bones believe them,
You should never fight your feelings,
I have to follow nature's law.

yVONne | 11:23 PM

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

**Before EY interview last thursday**

Dunno if i looked different to the naked eye but i had makeup when i took the photo. Credit all goes to Huiling and Jas for helpin me with the makeup. Was totally clueless even though i was given a crash course by pk the day before. Some things u just cant rush... Posted by Picasa

yVONne | 12:19 AM

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

**So many pages, pages, pages...of words**

Tell me, what motivates u? Noo, this is not another slogan i picked up from the Tv even though it sounds so freaking familiar. For me, my answer is 100 pages of claw a day, keeps the doctor away but i guess it should be keeps the doctor comin. At the rate i am pulling my hair over claw, i need to see a psychiatrist soon. And it doesn't help knowing that the topic on winding up is 100 pages long. somebody just kill me, either that or summarise the chapter for me?? Haa

It doesn't help that audit is drivin me nuts cos i only finished studyin 4 chapters. Out of the 12 i need to cover. I am so dead. Even with the interim results he released, it still does not give me any comfort because the exam is a whopping FIFTY/ 五十/ Gor-zup percent. To hell with the risk assesment, some things are not within our control. Business risk okies! But to my context it is Prof-chut-stunt risk!!

Okies, shall stop complainin alr, at least so far so good. The last lap left, we can all do it =) Have to get back to QM network that chapter le. Then DCJ*!!!

*Da Chang Jin

yVONne | 9:21 PM

**I am funny??**

Haha, thanks bro for sayin that i am funny recently, tink gotta destress that's why i also speak funnily. Tot my recent blogs are boring cos i always talk abt what i studied and what i have not. Today is no exception, i cleared another 100 pages of excruciating company law + the queuing model slides, the formula can kill but i learnt things that i never noticed b4 (cos i always msn durin qm class, opps) so heng i picked out the things i dunno b4. Tmr, i mean later got claw class, even though it is optional, but still wanna go and hear what she has to say, especially for our mid term paper, not exactly sure what she wants, really hope to do well this sem again to reach my 2nd class dream. Haa

But then again, these few days my dream have been very weird. I mean really weird. I dreamt of my sister comin back from HK in my old flat, it is so real, complete with the furniture and all. I guess i miss her too much le. Then i dreamt that i was on a train, not MRT but i saw snow. Well done, see snow in Singapore, damn sure it is Singapore cos i saw orchard road from the train's windows. At the rate i am dreaming, i am wasting alot of time sleepin. Sighs but still i am gonna sleep and see what dream i can come up with. Haha

yVONne | 1:08 AM

Monday, April 03, 2006

**Ahhhhhh**

This week is hell week. Imagine reading 3 chapters of company law in one day...roughly more than 100 pages of pure misery. Surviving on a plate of self-discipline and fear factor (fear that i cant finish revising), it is no joke, i cant even watch campus superstar in peace without fear that i will have to mug till 2 pm if i watch uncontrollably...sighs

But then again, i believe hard work reaps results. What i am feeling now is like someone whu puts all the eggs in a basket, praying hard i dun knock the basket against the wall. The stakes are too high. The more i tink, the more scared i get. Esp audit, cos james wanna post our interim grades on vista this comin week, hope i see a nice grade, will be disappointed if i dun get something decent for course work. He is sooo irritatin, must put us into a frenzy jus days before the exam. Argh...

Tomorrow is another 2 chapters of claw and QM queuing model. Hope i can clear claw by 4pm. Btw, last nite i had a weird dream, i dreamt that i was on holiday...*must be because my sister is in HK now and i am damn damn jealous within me* i saw this very nice painting in a shop, like hologram and a bit of 3D, can still rem how it looks like even now. But the weird part of the dream was i got cheated of $$ there, and instead of the currency i was supposed to carry, my pocket contains a mixture of ringgit, sing dollar, hk dollar and rupiah, i was totally shocked. Then i went for a search of my monies, but of course i din find it before waking up to my alarm clock. The dream is totally meaningless except it is telling me i am dying to go on holiday overseas. I really am. Call me a worrywart but i am seriously worried abt the situation in bangkok regarding Thaksin, so scared the demostrations and unrest will continue till august, then my air ticket will be wasted. Pls pls, end the demostration soon and i hope Thaksin stays as prime minister. Quite like his style. Whatever it is, let it end in peace.

okies, time to go zzz le

yVONne | 2:01 AM

Sunday, April 02, 2006

**Participation template**

Finally done with the grading of my group's participation template. Personally don't really like the feeling of doing something that has such huge repercussions on other individual's grades and that's y i have been puttin it off until the last day. Much as i try to write mostly good things, i have to be objective in the final grading, if not it defeats the purpose of grading and observing. Well, some people will be happy with the grade, while others will definitely be disappointed. I just hope for those that i did not give high participation grade, their learning journal will be such a bang that prof ma will give at least an A-. This really does not feel good and i really need to sleep it away.

Much as i hope they will all do well, there will be people whu will not make the mark of at least an A-, that is the cruelty of grading, all of us fall victim to it some point or other, it is just a different module that is. Yeap, better go zzz if not tmr cant clear 3 chapters of company law. yv is already behind schedule alr. Ciaoz

yVONne | 3:05 AM

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